Bungee Jumping

No, that picture is not me, but it is how my emotions feel. I have often described adoption as an emotional roller coaster but today I feel like I am more of a bungee jumper. Yesterday I was pretty discouraged, and really had to spend some time with the Lord about the way I felt. In some ways I try to run ahead of the Lord and in other ways I plod slowly behind dragging my feet. I do find comfort in the fact that regardless of my emotions the Lord is able to be my rock and my refuge. Again the Lord is showing me His unchanging nature.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge." Psalm 18:2

Seasons

I have often heard people talk about "seasons in life". Right now it feels that we are in several seasons at once. They all stretch me in ways I know I can only handle while I walk with the Lord.

We are in the season of waiting when it comes to our adoption. We are waiting for a new referral after the loss of Grace. It could be any day!

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5

We are in a season of milestones. Among our children, as school starts, we have a new preschooler, a kindergarden student, a freshman in high school and a senior in high school. As a mom each of these points in life brings a few tears. Which ones create the most tender spots? One would be the kindergardener, she seemed so brave as she took her seat and our chatterbox was a little subdued. Also, our senior, for I know that this will be the last school year that I will hear all her thoughts as they need to pour out at 11pm, among many other things. We so enjoy Allison, she is truly a gift from the Lord. Our desire is that our children would grow closer to the Lord throughout this school year and see His hand in their lives.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Lastly we are in a season of busy-ness. Our two youngest girls are playing soccer and our oldest plays tennis. We are very much in divide and conquer mode. Each of the girls has a blast playing these sports but they do take up much of our time. There are many life-lessons learned from playing sports and many opportunities, both as an onlooker and a participant, to learn humility and to honor the Lord.

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10

I am so thankful that the Lord does not change as my life does. His unchanging nature allows me to hold tight to Him as we go through each season.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

Life-long Lessons from a Short Trip

We recently spent a week in Guatemala at the Eagle's Nest Children's Home on a short term mission trip. My husband Ken, myself, and our two oldest children; Allison and Joel were part of a mission team from our church, along with 24 other people. It was a great trip for many reasons.

We went really not knowing what to expect as far as the mission trip experience. We had met as a team monthly for several months but only really knew about 3 other people prior to the trip. Our team had spent some time going through part of John Piper's book, Let the Nations Be Glad. This book gets your mind thinking about the purpose of missions.

We learned as a team that flexibility is the best plan and that worked very well. As a mom of six I am learning to be flexible, I recognize that often my frustration with my children comes when my expectations have been perhaps a little unrealistic. (There are other times when my expectations are just fine.)

As we worked on some projects for Eagle's Nest we had opportunity to work alongside people we didn't know very well. Painting at the soccer field gave some of us time to get to know each other better. One morning after failing at our attempt to sing :) we decided to share our stories of how we came to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It was a great encouragement and helped us to understand where we had come from. It was interesting to me that several of us really came to a crossroads in our christian walk in college and that had solidified our faith. What a need for campus ministries like Campus Crusade for Christ, Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship, and Navigators.

Three afternoons we spent time at a public school doing an outreach, much like a short version of Vacation Bible School. It was a great time of meeting some of the children, seeing how some things are the same no matter where the children live, and sharing our faith with them. Children are wonderful and so welcoming!

Of course we spent a lot of time helping in the children's home, too. When we first walked in it was a little overwhelming, there were about 80 children at that time. We jumped in where there was a crying babe, read in our best Spanish to a toddler (they didn't seem to notice if I pronounced a word wrong), played peek-a-boo and other impromptu games. What a joy to hold a little one until they fell asleep and than find another that could use some more attention. One little girl has some special needs and each time someone would seek her out and spend time with her. It was a privilege to fill a gap for a mama that was working with someone else or for an adoptive parent far away. Some moments I wished I had more arms to hold another.

Our time at the children's home reminded me of how thankful I am for the other adults in our children's lives such as: family friends, our Family Pastor and his Assistant, small group and AWANA leaders, and Sunday School teachers, to name a few. These adults help to fill the gaps we as parents have. We so enjoy watching our children interact with others. As we watched our two oldest really be part of our mission team I was so thankful for the work the Lord was doing in their lives.

There are many things that the Lord is continuing to show me from this trip. I pray that I would continue to be teachable.

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13

W-A-I-T-I-N-G

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'" -Isaiah 55:8-9

On my own I am not a patient person. So today, the last day of the "possibly two weeks until we receive a new referral", has been somewhat emotional because we are still waiting. I think that the hardest part of adoption, whether it is domestic or international, is the waiting.

You wait to get the home study, you wait for the dossier paperwork, you wait for the referral, you wait as you go through each step of the process. It feels like you are always waiting and in my limited thinking I have been side-tracked into thinking that I have been waiting on a child.

I was looking through a devotional** we have and I came across some good reminders, I have listed a few of them below:

*You aren't waiting on man, you are waiting on God.

*God is not bound by geography, timelines, politics or finances.

*God hasn't asked you to walk this path alone. Not only will He remain with you each step of the way, He has prepared many warriors to go into battle with you.

*God's gifts to us are never late; they are always on time and far beyond what we could ever imagine.

When expecting our first child I would lament that the baby sure was taking a long time and my mom would say, "Babies are never late, they come at just the right time." Adoption is like that as well. We have waited for adoptions to occur before, and they are not always speedy, but the Lord has blessed us greatly not only in the end but in the process.

Ken handles waiting much better than I. Please pray for me that I would wait upon the Lord and that I would not waste this time of waiting but use it to draw closer to the Lord.

**Hope for the Journey:an adoption companion; created by Shaohannah's Hope

What is Your Passion?

A few years ago we went out to lunch with another family after church, at this time we had four children. It was a time in our family's life when we weren't really sure where we belonged and what the Lord had for us to do. As we ate, the husband we were dining with asked us, "What is your passion?" It was one of those dry times, we really didn't know the answer. But I couldn't get that question out of my mind. Surely we were passionate about something. Ken and I would talk about it off and on, but didn't really have any deep discussion about it.

As time went on we felt that the Lord was leading us to resume foster parenting and as we did we felt that we came to life. To reach out and touch a child's life even for a short time, to be able to show them Jesus as we went through our daily lives- how exciting! As we got back into the swing of fostering it was not necessarily with the idea of adoption, though part of me hoped that would happen. We really just wanted to fill a gap for a child when they were going through difficulty. As it turned out we would permanently fill the gap for two more children. We had found our passion!

We are passionate about our family and about adoption. We have wondered how the Lord chose us to be a part of His plan for these children. It is truly humbling to bring a child into our home, even more so when we are not the birthparents. God has put together our family and we love it! The Lord has grown that passion deep in our hearts.

In the Bible God speaks of the orphan over 60 times, He is passionate about the orphan. Below are a few of my favorites:

"Defend the cause of the weak and the fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed." Psalm 82:3

"learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." Isaiah 1:17

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in. I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:35-40

Walking with a Toddler

(Not wanting to leave today on a sad note)... I am trying to increase the amount of exercise I get, I need to. For some time Ken and I have gotten up and walked in the morning but we have gotten out of the habit with the heat and our recent trip.

I decided that I would walk without him, so after he had left for work I went downstairs to sneak out before the day got too crazy. As I went through the kitchen Brandon (4) saw me and asked if he could go with me. At first I thought no, but we had been gone for a week and I thought it would be an opportunity to multi-task; spend time with Brandon and get a little exercise. Brandon ran to put some clothes on and get his shoes.

I met him outside and looked at his feet seeing that he had put on his flip-flops: he loves his flip-flops! Thinking, not too clearly early in the day, what can it hurt if he wears them, we began our walk.

Past the first house, he had a rock in his "shoe"-we stop. A couple of houses later one of his flip-flops come off-we stop. "Is that a toad, mom?"-we stop. I think you get the picture. At this point I am getting a little frustrated. Why didn't I get up earlier? Why didn't I say no to having a walking partner? Why can't we just keep moving?

As these thoughts came to my mind I felt a nudging in my heart. There was a lesson here to learn but not for Brandon. The Lord used much of our walk to remind me that He asks me to walk with Him everyday and sometimes my walk is not at the pace the Lord is wanting. At times I let the busyness in my day set the pace. I need to start my day in God's Word because that is where I get my marching orders for today.

The Lord has fitted my feet with the "readiness that comes from the gospel of peace" (Ephesians 6:15)-not only do I have the perfect shoes, I am ready to walk. Yet, I allow "rocks" in my shoes to stop me along the way. Somedays I hesitate, looking at other things going on around me at times at the cost of watching where I am walking. I have the perfect walking partner when I am walking closely with the Lord.

I thought I needed physical exercise but really I needed a gentle reminder to stay close to my Lord each day, watching what He is pointing out to me along the way. I need to be even more excited to spend time with the Lord than Brandon was to take a walk with me, anxious to see what the Lord will show me along His path.

As for physical exercise, I'll have to go another time.

Pictures of Grace Paola

(right) My favorite picture of Grace,

taken May 2007.

Picture taken July 1, 2007

Grace is being held by Ashley - a friend we have met in this process.

Here is a poem that an adoptive mom sent to me, someone had sent it to her after the loss of their little child.

Then I remember that you [God] wait and wonder…
longing for your adopted children to be in your arms...
gazing into your eyes, hearing your love songs....
Suddenly, I know how you feel God…
that constriction of the heart that causes pain to the depths of the soul.
And I know that my pain is more godly than anything in my life has ever
been.
For once, my heart is like your heart. And this holy pain leads me to
my knees...
to thank you for the wait…
And to pray for all the babies that need to come home…
Yours and mine.

-author unknown

Our Little Grace Paola

At the end of March we heard of a little tiny girl waiting for a family. After talking with the agency and much prayer we decided to accept the referral for our little Grace Paola on April 5, 2007. She had come to the home with some medical problems that could be resolved and had difficulty sucking. She was tiny 4# 15 oz., 4 days old and she had no hair. She was growing very slowly, some months hardly at all and so we would pray for her to grow and develop.

In June she was admitted to the hospital with dehydration due to an illness. Many people prayed for her. Grace and our family were blessed by the many people who lifted her to the Lord in prayer. She was in the hospital for 6 days and returned to the children's home. Still very delicate she improved a little at a time.

On July 7 Grace was admitted to the hospital due to illness, we received that phone call about 4 pm in the afternoon. They were unsure at that time what the problem was. Ken and I had a date that evening and had some great time together. We also had a very serious conversation about what our response would be if Grace did not recover. We feel that the Lord prepared us for the near future.

July 9 was the beginning of VBS (a great week, by the way). When we returned home that first day there was a message to call the agency. My first thought was this was not going to be good news. Grace Paola had gone home to be with the Lord between 10-10:30 am that day. She had had pneumonia, we were to find out later. Below I have posted the letter that we sent to our family and friends who had prayed so diligently for Grace, knowing that they would then lift our family in prayer as we grieved for Grace.

Hello friends,

We want to thank you for praying for little Grace and for our family lately. It is with sad hearts that we need to tell you that dear Grace went home to be with the Lord earlier today. She had been admitted to the hospital Saturday afternoon because she had stopped eating and was coughing. At this time we do not have any more details. When the call came from the Children's Home to our agency they were so upset that they could not relay the details to them.

We would like to share just a couple of thoughts with you. First, we know and are certain that the Lord is in control of all things. And we know that He loved Grace more perfectly than we would ever be capable of. We know that He has heard the prayers for this precious little one and that He answered it as He knew best. We prayed for healing and He has healed her and welcomed her into His loving arms.

The Lord was also preparing us. We have known for a while that her health was fragile. Just last night Ken and I spent some time out discussing how we would handle this very thing. We talked about how we would tell the children (we didn't have a well laid out plan for this), we talked about how we were learning from this experience about relying upon the Lord, and we talked about where we would go from here in the event Grace was not able to come home.

At this time, it is our plan to continue with an adoption from Eagle's Nest. The more we learn about the mission of Eagle's Nest the more excited we become about the work they do there for the orphans in Guatemala. Through this morning we were praying that Grace Paola would be able to come home to us. Tonight we are assured that she was welcomed into the arms of Jesus.

Again we ask for you to pray for our family as we grieve. Pray especially for our children as they come to understand this loss. There hearts are very welcoming and they were looking forward to Grace being a part of our family. Please pray also for the Mama's at Eagle's Nest as these ladies care so completely for these little ones, today their hearts are heavy.

Thank you for your care for Grace Paola and our family. Thank you so much for being an encouragement to us along this path. We trust that your lives have been blessed by praying for this precious little girl. We know that our lives were blessed by knowing her from a distance.