Small Soapbox - Attachment

There are many subjects that come up when the topic of adoption is discussed. Someone may wonder how to pay for the adoption, how to decide whether or not to adopt, or if you can love that child as you would any other child? The list goes on. For those who haven't adopted before this is new territory and there are so many questions. Don't misunderstand questions are a good thing. I operate with the philosophy that the more you know the more prepared you are.



One topic that comes up, sometimes in hushed tones, is attachment. We all want our children to attach to us, love us, and be happy they are with us. I think that when we think like that our hearts are showing - note the us in all of those statements. Of course we want the children that we bring into our home to be as excited about being a part of our family as we are about them being there. But the more I understand about attachment the more I understand attachment is more about being able to trust than actually attaching to parents and /or family.


We understand about broken trust as adults. If you have a good friend or family member that hasn't been honest with you or has let you down you hesitate to believe or trust what they say. Well imagine being a child who at the very start of their life may not have been able to trust those that they should have been able to trust completely. In their inner hearts they have issues with broken trust.


I could go on and we could spend a lot of time on the topic of attachment. I would say though that the ins and outs of attachment are not really the issue here. The issue is that this child's heart is broken.

How do we as parents handle a broken heart that comes out in the form of possible rejection or questioning of most things you do?


First and foremost we remember whom we can trust. It is because of the Lord and His setting His vision in our hearts that we are adoptive parents to begin with. I know that I can trust the Lord in everything. (Check out Jeremiah 17:7-8)


Secondly, we need to look for wise counsel. Someone to walk beside you as you work through the brokenness. This person will encourage you to persevere in godly ways.

Thirdly, gather your prayer warriors. Parents, we are in a spiritual battle for the hearts of our children!

Fourth, remember that ultimately as we follow the Lord it is the Lord that will heal this broken heart. Continue to parent as the Lord has commanded. Put His word before each of your children daily, teach them the scriptures, surround them with godly examples, be a godly example yourself. I do not think that God is a god of chaos, He put order to this world - keep order in your home.

Lastly, keep in mind that Jesus died for us when we were yet sinners. We were loved when we were unlovable. I remember back to my single days when a roommate was getting married. She talked about her feelings for her fiance and how she knew she loved him romantically but what she had really had to decide was if she was willing to be committed to him. It is similar in adoption, we make a committment to each of these children. Some of them are easier to love then others because some of them accept our love more readily or return their love to us. Our job as parents is to love each of our children. We have been called to love them and we have been called to be committed to each of them.

Please know that I know that this is not an easy thing to do each day. I daily ask the Lord to love my children through me because I am imperfect at my core. But we are called to daily ask the Lord to walk us through the valleys and over the mountains.


"Stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." I Corinthians 15:58

.

Note: Please take this as encouragement, obviously this is not dealing with specific behaviors and instances but the overall task of loving a child that makes it difficult at times.

.

Happy Birthday Brandon!

Happy Birthday Brandon!

I love Brandon's heart for others. We rarely hear a siren or see a fire truck or ambulance that Brandon does not ask if he can pray for whoever they are going to help. He seems to understand spiritual matters and often can come up with an application for what he has heard (he's 7 so we are still working on actually putting it into practice).

Molly and Brandon at the Louisville Zoo.

Playing in the trees.

Going down the slide was a challenge for Brandon as you somewhat land in the water blindly. He got to the point last summer when he would go down often! Pretty good for a child that was almost 5 before he would go in the M*Donalds playground.

Cool Dude!



A Self-Portrait

Happy Birthday son! We are so thrilled that the Lord brought you into our family!

We are eagerly watching to see what the Lord has planned for you.

Love you!

.

Easter Weekend

Here are some pictures of our Easter weekend. We had an amazing time of worship Sunday morning and enjoyed some family time the rest of the day. Here are some pictures for fun.

Allison took some pictures of Natalie for fun.

Joel and Allison - note her little brother is taller than her.

Happy (Belated) Birthday Grandma! Natalie made her a cake.

Attempt at a picture - Nathan was a runaway.

Here he is! Reading the fountain informational plate.

Nathan hunting eggs. He sat his basket down in the middle of the yard and would run and find an egg or three and go put them in his basket. He was quite excited.

Our "big" kids trying to take their own picture. Walking in a mall the other day with the four of them I looked around and thought, "Where did I get all these tall kids?"

Daniel and Allison


Guess what they got in their Easter baskets?




The Girls

Nathan showing off his new glasses.

Daniel - Looking cool. :)

Brandon - Looking cute!

Girls being silly.
Natalie playing in the fountain, it wasn't working.

Molly thought she would try it out.

Fun times!

Happy Easter

1 Peter 1:3
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead... (NIV)

Hoping that your day will be filled with worship and the wonder of Christ's resurrection.

.

Every Child has Special Needs

(Disclaimer: This post is in no way meant to minimize those children who have the title of Special Needs.)

As I think about the needs of each of our children I can't help but think each has special needs. They do not carry the title of special needs but they have them none the less. Our high schooler is looking at decisions for his future. He has the special need of needing to lay his decisions before the Lord, bounce things off of his parents, and sort out the tons of college mail we get pretty much every day. His need for clarity with his future is huge to him right now.

Our college student is waiting to hear about an opportunity at school next year. She has the special need to know that the Lord is sovereign over all decisions and that should she be chosen or not be chosen for this position it is because it is what the Lord sees as best.

Whether in first grade and struggling with Rocket Math facts or 6th grade and working on a Science Fair project each child has special needs.

The largest special need each of our children has is for a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The difficult part of that for me as a parent is that I can't make that relationship happen for them. We can teach them when they walk along the road, when they lie down, and when they get up the ways of the Lord but ultimately they have to make that decision for themselves. That's where it gets tricky. I have to trust the Lord with my children's hearts. I have known for some time that I have to hold my children loosely as they really are God's children that He has entrusted to us for a time. But when their heart does not follow your desire for them or for that matter God's desire for them it can be heartwrenching.

I do not look at my children and think "that one is adopted, that one biological". There are many, many days when I don't think about a child being adopted. They are so much a part of us. I have come to see that the heart of an adopted child has a special need though that our biological children will never experience on the same level. My relationship with them is more tender at this level because their hearts have experienced a great loss. They may not be able to put it into words and not every one of them feels it to the same degree or even continuously but it is there. Each child deals with that loss in their own way, some it rarely bothers, others it creates a protective covering over. So my job as a mom is to peel away at that covering with God's love for that child that I must allow to flow through me even though that child may be working hard to keep their cover intact.

They may play tug of war with that heart covering for a long time and so I hang on to the Lord and I remember that "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13) Because I know that the heart of every child has a special need.



"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give to you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your
foreheads. Write them on your doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

Deuteronomy 6: 5-9 (NIV)

Untitled

I've had a lot of things on my mind lately and not really sure what the Lord wants me to do about them. I thought that I would try to write this post and see what happens, if you are reading it I guess it passed.

The Lord has given Ken and I a passion for the orphan. Over the years that has taken on different forms, mostly in the form of fostering and also adoption. It has not always been an easy road but it has been one that we have loved traveling.

The last few months for us have been a challenge and so I have had to do some serious thinking and praying. I have often said that the Lord sometimes calls us to things that are difficult. I believe that still. The challenge lately has been, knowing that it is hard at times should I encourage others to adopt?

As I have thought and prayed about this the Lord re-opened my eyes to several things:

1. Satan watches and he is cunning and he sees my area of weakness.

Scripture says: "The Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one." 2 Thessalonians 3:3

2. If things were always easy I would be totally relying on myself and I would take God out of the equation. I have to rely on Him step-by-step. Oh - wait, sometimes I take God out of the equation even when things are hard.

Scripture says: "But Jesus said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. " 2 Corinthians 12:9

3. God is sovereign, we are where we are because He has placed us right here.

Scripture says: "The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy. They are steadfast for ever and ever, done in faithfulness and uprightness." Psalm 111:7-8

4. The Lord cares for our family and each of us so much that He sent His Son to earth for us. He hasn't left us to our devices.

Scripture says: "Everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. " I John 5:4-5

5. Even with the difficulties I would not desire to change a thing. To be with the Lord in His will in difficulty is much better than thinking things are going smoothly outside of His will.

Scripture says: "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." Psalm 145:18

6. When I am tired I don't respond well to much of anything. Sad but true. I need proper rest in a trial to help me to respond clearly and properly and being in step with the Lord helps me to rest.

Scripture says: "The fear of the Lord leads to life: then one rests content, untouched by trouble." Proverbs 19:23

These are not new things I've learned but I have been gently reminded by my loving Heavenly Father of them lately.

My response to these truths is actually not very complicated. When the difficulties come I need to:

1. Pray, pray, pray. Before I call a friend or eat chocolate I need to have a solid conversation with the Lord.

"I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer." Psalm 17:6

2. Get in the Word. The Lord speaks to me through His Word. I need the wisdom that only comes from God to live my life victoriously for Him.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5

3. After #1 and #2 now I can talk with my husband, call a friend, and grab that chocolate!

The short answer to my ponderings is "yes" I should continue to encourge those that desire to follow the Lord in adoption or fostering. Because it is clear in His Word that the Lord has a heart for the orphan and so those He calls we will encourage.

.

14!

As with my last post, I'm late. I'm really trying, it's just that the days move too fast! Daniel celebrated his 14th birthday in January and I wonder again where has the time gone. How is it that it seems just yesterday that this little boy entered our hearts and yet he is so tall? Daniel is our outdoor guy and loves the freedom that comes from being outside four walls.

Daniel's brain is energized by looking at God's creation and his heart is tugged by the less fortunate. Just recently Daniel saw a mailing from one of our local missions that was putting out information on how to donate money so they could feed the homeless. Daniel picked it up and asked me, "Are we going to do something about this?" We are working on helping Daniel understand what he can do to help with those situations.

Daniel with his siblings enjoying the sprinkler many years ago.

Age 4 - playing at a friend's birthday party.

Feeding the pigs at The Farm in Door County, WI. It made his day!

Soccer in his younger years.

He's Snowman in the school program!

Happy Birthday #7!

A close-up of Mr. Smee (guinea pig). Daniel does a great job of caring for him!

Enjoying a family gathering.

Brothers

Hangin' out in the tree.

There is so much to think about! We've helped him choose his high school classes and he's toying with the idea of trying football in the fall. This summer Daniel would like to run a pet-sitting business and we have challenged him to put together a small business plan which he has begun to think about.

Happy (belated) Birthday Daniel!

.

May you walk faithfully in the ways of the Lord all your days.

.

God holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones."

Proverbs 2:7-8